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May 2008 Guidance Newsletter
As the year winds down and we begin to anticipate the summer and the leisure time it brings, we also take time to reflect on the year. We have learned many skills and strategies: building and expressing empathy; controlling impulses; using solutions that are safe, fair, workable, and considerate of others’ feelings to solve problems; managing anger. We have also learned some calming strategies to deal with stressful situations or to put the brakes on an angry response. Hopefully students are recognizing that using these strategies improves their friendships, reduces stress in the family, and increases their interpersonal assets. Becoming resilient is the result of many positive choices a person makes each day. Each time a challenging situation arises and you stop and think, take some deep breaths to calm yourself and clear your thinking, you strengthen the neuropathways in your brain and make that calm response a habit that is stronger and more likely to be used again. Often students become frustrated when they don’t see their initial attempt to use deep breathing, to calm and focus themselves, working. “It doesn’t work,” is what I hear. I remind students that nothing they are good at, whether making contact with the baseball, riding a bike, balancing on a skateboard, is achieved without a lot of practice. Children don’t seem to notice the practice that goes into activities that require movement, probably because they can see their balance improve when they take one more run down the driveway. It’s a little harder to see how their breathing is relaxing their brain and reducing their angry thoughts unless they consciously focus on the difference they feel now that they have done it. The quieter, calming change in feeling can be missed unless you have visible proof, as you might if you had on a biodot (stress dot that measures the temperature of the skin on your hand). Biodots visibly show you the level of stress you are feeling and so act as an incentive to see if you can change the color/get calm through breathing deeply. Recently Linda Lantieri came to the district to talk about two strategies that help build both emotional intelligence and resiliency – breathing deeply and mindfulness. The first teaches us how to calm the mind and body, the second how to become more present in the moment. (You can learn more about her work through her new book, Building Emotional Intelligence available in bookstores now.) Her work is showing how instrumental these strategies are in classrooms across the country in helping children be more available to learn. She has shown through her research that when children’s minds and bodies are relaxed they are better able to take in information and make connections with previous knowledge. The result is happier and calmer children who can learn more and who have better relationships with peers because they are less likely to respond impulsively. When daily life seems to be getting more and more hectic, perhaps the best thing we can do for ourselves is to practice this simple strategy that will yield healthier results for everyone – take a few minutes to breathe deeply. Encourage your children to do it when stress is rising. Do it with them. Make it a part of your daily routine, just before meals, just before bed. Perhaps along the way we will achieve the gift of mindfulness that brings with it an appreciation of the calm and beauty that can be present in the small moments of the day. Maddie Nash
Please Email Madelyn Nash if you have questions or comments about this page.
Last updated June 12, 2008
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Recently I was struck by a conversation I had with some third grade boys over lunch about a series of violent news reports and their relevance to the work we are doing in third and fourth grade around anger management and problem solving. The boys were commenting on a number of violent events they were aware of in the news. They quite astutely attributed the events to the uncontrolled anger and lack of self-control of one or more individuals. They went on to talk about other things they thought triggered these hurtful responses like religious prejudice, disappointments, and frustrations. Sensing their feelings of helplessness I pointed out that the vast majority of relationships do not end in violence, but to their 8 year-old minds it must seem that wars and killing or physically harming others is rampant. After all it occupies much of the news on T.V. and other media, including video games. At the same time we have increasing evidence that children (and adults) that learn to calm their minds and bodies through deep breathing, mindfulness, and muscle relaxation learn self-control and have increased resilience to deal with the normal frustrations that are a part of everyday life. (Resilient teens are less likely to engage in risky behaviors. See the work of the Search Institute on my website.) In class we take time to practice these strategies and learn to calm down before responding to a stressful event. We learn that calm, respectful voices get a better response. Relaxed bodies and deep breathing help us to think more clearly and positively. The results we get are more what we would hope to see to resolve the problem. Now you will have the opportunity to hear an author, Linda Lantieri who, with Daniel Goleman, has written the book Building Emotional Intelligence. Her work defines a few simple strategies that help children reduce stress, become more self-aware and self-controlled. She will be at SBHS on Monday evening, May 12th to present to parents. All of her recent work with school systems across the country has shown that academic performance improves and that children experience less stress, and know how to handle what does come their way, when they have the skills I have described above. Mark your calendars so you can attend this informative and free evening in May. We’ll send reminders as we get closer. On another front, fifth graders have just completed the puberty unit. Learning about how their body is changing and how to be respectful and supportive of others as they experience these changes is one of the unit’s goals. Most students have had the follow-up class that addresses harassment, so students learn to avoid behaviors that get in the way of respectful relationships with others. Harassment, similar to bullying, is any verbal or written behavior that is unwanted, repeated, deliberate, hurtful, offensive, and intimidating. Where they differ is that harassment specifically relates to words or actions that focus on the ways that people are different (skin color, religion, gender, disability, national origin, etc.). Students explore a variety of words/behaviors that fall along a Continuum of Respect* and are often surprised to learn that actions they might have defined as harmless teasing or phony can easily become disrespectful and hurtful. We help them avoid unknowingly engaging in harassing behaviors by helping them be clear about what they are and by learning to speak up when they hear or witness disrespectful behaviors like putdowns, name calling, demands or threats. My advice to them, when in doubt about a behavior or comment, is to ask if they would want it publicized on the front page of the Free Press or addressed to their mother or special friend. If the answer is “no,” then they probably shouldn’t do or say it. As always I recognize that we make a positive impact with all children when we work together to help them practice appropriate ways of dealing with anger, problem solving, or making and keeping relationships. Thank you for all you do to process these issues with your child, to keep the conversation going, and to build resilience through your caring interchanges. Fifth graders, especially, will be asking parents to be involved with some simple activities that are part of their Project Northlands homework from classes with Officer Kevin Grealis. Please take time to talk about the homework that is a part of this program over the next three weeks. We are hearing from parents that it has sparked some valuable conversation about the use of alcohol and, by implication, drugs --topics that exert increasing pressure on the adolescents in South Burlington. They need to clearly know where you stand on these issues, and that you will continue to be approachable as their choices become more difficult. Please feel free to contact me if you have questions about the guidance program. I can be reached at 652-7216. Maddie Nash · The Continuum of Respect comes from Marilyn Gillis, a health educator.
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Dear Parents, During February guidance classes we have continued to read books related to bullying to further students' understanding of both its subtle and physical forms. We have done several role plays to give students the confidence to speak out if they should witness mean or unkind words or acts. Sometimes this requires thinking ahead about what we might do if we are in a particular situation. Having a quick comeback or knowing how to give a silent show of support takes some forethought. To further the feeling of community in our school we have formed a Kindness Committee made up of a representative from each third through fifth grade class. The group meets every other Tuesday morning. The consensus among students is that problems are more likely to arise at recess, lunch, and on the bus, so we spent our first meeting generating ideas for specifically building community in these places. One idea that has already been instituted is a Welcoming Committee, a subgroup of Kindness Committee members, who go to a new student’s classroom on that child’s first day to introduce themselves, give the child a card (created by the committee), a pencil, and a warm welcome to our school as representatives of the student body. Another idea is to have mix-it-up days in the lunchroom to encourage students to get to know new groups of children and have some fun doing it. Stay tuned for more on this idea. We have checked in about how we are doing, have practiced role playing a variety of situations that might be difficult. We are encouraging students to speak out, be an ally, offer support, rather than be a silent bystander whose actions may be perceived as supporting a bully’s behavior. Sometimes all it takes is one small comment said to the person targeted or the person being mean to turn the situation around. It need not be confrontative. Telling an adult is always a good idea in addition to showing support in these situations. Please talk with your child about what he/she might do if someone they know is being hurtful to another child. Having the words or actions thought out ahead of time helps your child to feel more secure in how to respond. In the meantime, enjoy some family time and know that building community is a priority at Rick Marcotte Central School. Maddie Nash
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During the month of January we have been talking about bullying and ways to "lend a hand, take a stand, and stop bullying" as the video I shared with them says. Part of the challenge of this unit is helping students to understand the difference between teasing and bullying, how subtle bullying can be, and how they can play the role of an ally so that no child feels targeted or excluded. Bullying is any physically or emotionally hurtful behavior toward another person which is repeated over time. Teasing, excluding, name-calling, threats, laughing at or making fun, hitting, or kicking are noticeable behaviors, but there are also subtle behaviors that send the message that a person shouldn't be respected or included. Students have shown remarkable empathy in identifying how the targeted person feels and how bystanders feel as they watch but do not help the person being hurt. Some students express concern that tattling on a bully will result in their being bullied. I have emphasized that tattling is intended to get someone in trouble; telling helps keep people safe. Only the bully's behavior gets him/her in trouble. Retribution for telling results in even more serious consequences for the bully. Our School Rules Against Bullying are: We will not bully others. We help students who are bullied. We will include students who are easily left out. When we know somebody is being bullied, we will tell an adult at school and an adult at home. We can effectively lessen instances of bullying only if all children are encouraged to report any bullying they see and for an adult to follow up on it. We have provided a "Bully Box" so that children can anonymously report instances of bullying. I follow up on each report that gets put in the box. Being an ally means making a small intervention that can make a difference. An invitation to join a group when a child is being excluded or hurt by a bully may be all that is necessary to make the child feel less alone. I have tried to impress on students that it often takes just one person stepping forward when she sees bullying to change what happens and how our school feels. Remaining silent invites the bullying behavior to continue. If we laugh when someone is being subjected to hurtful comments, we give approval to the mean words and the person who says them. We will be continuing this discussion over the next couple of weeks. You can help by encouraging your child to be an ally that speaks up, offers assistance, gets the child away from the problem area, tells an adult, invites the child to play when they are excluded. Together I believe we can help our children to do the right thing. Maddie Nash
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Winter Guidance Newsletter Dear Parents, Winter is upon us and with it the hectic quality we feel with shorter days and less sunlight. The season often breeds less patience and increased frustration that can escalate with too much togetherness indoors. It might be a good time to try the simple strategy third graders have just learned and practiced to control their impulse to say or do something that won’t help in an emotionally charged situation. It is simply taking some long, slow deep breaths. Although my students have practiced it with hot cocoa, it can also be done with any pleasant aroma – just inhale deeply, then slowly and gently blow out through slightly parted lips. The calming sensation helps lessen the chance of conflict. By the way, fourth and fifth graders who have practiced this in previous years are encouraged to pull it out of their “toolkit” when it’s needed as well. You often see athletes use it during their sports events indicating how useful it can be in pressure situations. In a course I am taking this semester through St. Michael’s College I’ve discovered increasing evidence that shows that children who learn to calm themselves, relax their bodies (through yoga or stretching), deal effectively with expressing their emotions, and use other reflective practices to become more self-aware, actually do better academically. They are far less anxious and stressed by the need to be perfect in order to be good enough. (In today’s pressure-filled world, less anxiety is a definite plus!) All of these skills and strategies are ones that can easily be incorporated into the curriculum. I have used several as simple 2-3 minute warm-ups to a class activity, e.g. having students take a moment to picture themselves engaging cooperatively in some group challenge planned for that period, taking some deep breaths before they come up with a solution to a problem, thinking back over their lives to reflect on meaningful memories, etc. Their thoughtful engagement in the activity that followed was well worth the short investment of time. I have also read more of Linda Lantieri’s work, a conflict resolution expert (think, skills of emotional intelligence) who is now focusing on spiritual intelligence. Her new book, Schools with Spirit: Nurturing the Inner Lives of Children and Teachers, talks of ways to help foster belonging and connectedness, help children learn tolerance and compassion, to know they have a purpose that extends beyond their narrow self-interest. She distinguishes the difference between emotional intelligence and spiritual intelligence as the following in her book: “My emotional intelligence allows me to judge what situation I am in and then behave appropriately within it. This is work within the boundaries of the situation, allowing the situation to guide me. But my spiritual intelligence allows me to ask if I want to be in this particular situation in the first place. Would I rather change the situation, creating a better one? This is working with the boundaries of the situation allowing me to guide the situation.” Much of my work with children is getting them to connect their use of these skills to a larger purpose – to become a more peaceful, compassionate person and create more caring relationships within their school and community. Finally, run, don’t walk to sign up for Vicki Hoefle’s four-part parent sessions. She is an expert parent educator with a wonderful sense of humor and a very engaging style. Vicki is so popular that she is booked for the next two years. We are fortunate to have her in the district. The four free classes she is offering at Orchard School on Wednesdays, Jan. 9, 16, 23, and 30 from 6:30-8:30 p.m. shouldn’t be missed. Places are limited, so sign up now at SharedVentures.net. Childcare is $10/night per family. The four evenings will be followed by two 2-week interval teleconferences. I HIGHLY recommend these classes after seeing her preview session this Tuesday. Enjoy the winter break and time to spend with your family. Maddie Nash Please Email Madelyn Nash if you have questions or comments about this page.
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